What are we doing - really? We fill up our lives with the most mundane things and act like they are important. You know what I did over the weekend? Yard work and maintenance. I cleaned the gutters, got up on the roof and removed branches from our dying, scary tree that fell on our outdated roof, cut grass, and cut up wood.That is just an example from ONE day in my life. How many of those things are really important?
We only have a limited number of days in our lifetime. The chief part of our minds are devoted toward dreams (important and not-so-important), finding love, and stressing out over societal expectations. It is all so useless.
Here are just some of the dreams that I have:
1. I want to start a ministry that actually helps people in this world and helps them prepare for their spiritual destination.
2. I want to be published and be able to finally cross over the line of being a blog owner who routinely is read by a couple dozen people to someone who many would recognize as having something useful to say - something that is relavent to #1 above or at least a distraction from the stressors of life.
3. I want to routinely hear the voice of God and be where and what He would have me be so I could have some meaningful use in life.
I am not close enough to ANY of these dreams. I'm not, because for some reason, the grass can't wait another day, or I can't cough up the energy or resources to do them. The ministry? A few years ago, I thought I was getting there. A couple of setbacks and the obligatory excuses and now I seldom even think about it.
What about being published. I can't. My job is too time consuming or my family is too demanding or maybe, just maybe, I can't maintain the confidence to push things aside enough to follow through with it - not yet, anyway.
The voice of God eludes me, too. However, if I am not careful, He will get a few words in. He has before. No, I REALLY don't want to hear Him, do I? Why have the responsibility? Not when there are holes to fill in the back yard or a garage that needs cleaning - you know, the list of things you think about on your death bed with a smile knowing that it was life well-lived.
So I run and worry. I worry that I won't sell my house or about my family's health. I stress over the fact that I have four automibles but none of them have my confidence to take a two-hour road trip or I fret over the fact that I have to report to jury duty at the end of the week, or about my meetings at work next week.
Today is Monday May 7, 2007 and I am no closer to my life's goals as I was yesterday or last year. How was your Monday?
15 comments:
The point of you cutting the grass and waking up today is to write and share such a beautiful blog with everyone.
I think you are exactly who God wants you to be - just as you are. I know it's tough when your dreams/goals seem to elude you. I do think, though, that sometimes the paths to your goals look nothing like you imagined, and you wind up attaining them in spite of everything! :)
I feel like this sometimes too. My goals? They always seem so far away, but I know that if I keep plugging away a little every day, they will inch closer. Sometimes the amount of time this takes is just enough to realize that maybe that's not where you need to be going.
We are all a work in progress. When the work's done, we die.
mother: Thanks and welcome. I'm not sure I understand the connection between my grass and this blog other than the fact that it is something that I can complain about, but I am grateful for caring responses like your. :)
Holly (Stephanie - I'm still confused) :) I wish I had the confidence that you have in "the system". I do agree with you that we can seldom see the path to our goals from this end of the road.
Sayre: Good ol' reliable Sayre. I agree with you. Thanks. However, either my work is done (I just didn't realize it) and this blog will grow mysteriously quiet upon my departure of this world, or I am going to live forever. ;)
Well. Wasn't that uplifting! :)
I know what you mean. Although lots of house maintenance and chores and stuff needs to be done, it is hard to find meaning in it that touches deeper...it sounds like you have a great foundation though, for your life, even if you feel you lack the tangible side of it, as we all do. It gets all very muddled sometimes in how we feel about our days, doesn't it? There is no way to even pinpoint it all, but the best we can do it know that it is everchanging and some days we'll just feel like crap about it all! (see my most recent post, I was inspired)
Two Write Hands: Well, you know, I do what I can. Don't walk out of the movie until it's over. There is always a chance of redemption.
Stepping Over: Ooh, that name is kind of scary shortened. Yeah, I think you understand what I am saying. I am finding out that just asking and meditating on this "problem" is part of the growing process.
I agree and disagree. I totally agree that we often let our bigger goals slide by spending time on lesser things, and how futile that can make life seem, but I totally disagree with your example. We all still have a life to live, and maintaining your home isn't a waste of your time. The time-wasting that really is futile is stuff like watching pointless TV or surfing the net too many hours a week. My biggest frustration at the moment is getting out of debt - all this time I have to waste now finding and doing extra work, just because I was careless with my finances.
Pursuing worthy dreams is a great use of your time, but there is definitely a point to spending time on the smaller things, too. Mother Theresa devoted her life to working with the poor. That doesn't mean she didn't cook, clean her house, wash her clothes or fix things when they broke.
chosha: I didn't mean to leave the impression that people shouldn't maintain their homes. That wasn't the point. The point was that we WORRY about those things to the point where that is where my concentration is. We fill up our lives with busy work instead of filling them up in pursuit of something real. Who cares REALLY if the grass goes a week without cutting or the dishes sit in the sink an extra day? The point I am really making is that I let these chores get in the way as an excuse not to accomplish what really matters.
Well, if your reason for doing something is to procrastinate your more important goals, then I guess it doesn't really matter what you replace them with. The real question is not 'what's the point of worrying about X?', but 'why am I putting off things that are supposedly important to me?' After all, if they are just excuses, then you're not really stressed about those things, you're just pretending to yourself that you are.
Do you really want to achieve those three goals, or do they just seem like the kind of good goals the person you'd like to be would have? Or are they maybe such broad goals that you just have no idea where to start? If you can find out why you're making excuses, you'll be that much closer to your goals, or to changing them.
Good luck with it. Working out our true life goals is not at all easy, I know.
I'm so tired, that I don't remember my monday. Work, work, work, work, work! Is it meant for us to all of this? You know work our butts off and miss the adventure of life.
chosha: And therein lies the rub, for it isn't a conscious decision one way or the other. Sometimes, it seems like a video game where one has to overcome obstacles A,B, and C before he can discover the magic ring. Except in this case, I have been through the alphabet a number of times. It makes you question yourself, "do you really want this or are these tasks just excuses?
Truthfully, sometimes I just don't know .
Charles: I know. Can you work so much and still live life or do you sacrifice something to change things? Who knows?
I think this all comes around to my next post about vision. With vision, one can see all the tasks and goals for what they are and in the pecking order that God would have them be.
Maybe I am not supposed to reach my goals now or maybe I have wrong goals. Maybe cutting the grass is the same as "wax on, wax off" from the "Karate Kid". No matter what it is, there is comfort in knowing that the One who is much greater than me is the orchestrator.
Well, I think even when you do mundane tasks, you can praise God.
For example, when you're cleaning the yard or something, you can sing in your heart that you're grateful that you have a place to live.
Or when you're cooking, you can thank Him in your heart that you still have delicious food to cook.
Even when you (sorry) poo, you can still be thankful to God 'coz there are people who can't get out of bed themselves.
There are so many things we should be thankful for, right? That reminds me...I haven't really done it too often lately myself. Oops!!! Better keep this in mind then he he...
About serving others...I once read somewhere that even lending an ear to someone in need is a form of service. :-))))
By the way, today I read this and maybe it'd inspire you too. :-)))
http://www.devotions.net/devotions/05may/27.htm
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